<< : 2004-01-11 :: 10:36 p.m. : >>
Withering into the Ice Queen

I'm Kinda lonely now, I know that it's a human condition, and even with another you can be all to lonely. It's hard to watch kisses, and hugs, cuddles, and those nauseated voices people use when in love. I miss love, miss loving. That inspiration, pain or joy is how I feed. Everyone is moving on, and growing up, Weddings, first houses, first true loves, and families of their own. I'm still all alone. I never wanted to be the kind of woman to depend on the man for anything; money, respect, Validation, or love. I knew that I needed to survive on my own. It was never a goal of mine to be simply wife, mindless, drooling, trapped wife.

I built these, ideals, which have become shelter, which have become thick steel walls, I coware behind.

God do I want to be loved, I don't think I'll ever escape that venomous validation. I never found a man yet who can bare to love me, and I'm sad for it.Maybe even starved for it. I never considered myself a Romantic woman, sinical, and Nauseaed by the ungeniuine attempt of romance and Chilvary long dead. I was not a Child of that generation. Some how I am still not immune to it's charms, my needs still are strangly drawn to it, and I hope, and quietly dream of Prince charming,whom has never exsisted, not yet anyways. Oh I am such a mess, it's a wonder I've survived as long as I have. I'm awefully scared to be alone, and terrified that I missing my last ride, cowarding away in my eagerness for self perservation. What am I really saving though? How can I change? Oh Do I miss love.

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