<< : 2003-09-30 :: 10:23 p.m. : >>
One Tree Hill Inspired

Don't let them take it away from you. Your not them. I wish I could tare everything that places me in some sort of definition. From my name, to my gene pool, to my gender. I want to know my fear, I want to spike on it, block every attempt to further put me in larger hole! I can't though. I can't seem to reach that part where I name it and destroy it. I need answers! truth! I wish I knew what I did better than anyone else, and did it! just did it!

I'm not a kid anymore, I'm no longer a teenager. That time where I was suppose to figure it out is gone. Now I must face the aftermath, of my fear, of my mistakes, and my unwillingness to stand up for what I wanted, reguardless of the obstucles or the pain involved. I hide underneath the bleachers before the game started and trash upon trash has weighed me down, and I let it. I let it all overwhelm me, and I sat back, while fear was scoring on me again, and agian. Until my dreams, my faith in myself were to many points gone, and far away. I had nowhere else to look, to pray, and time ran out before I knew it. Now the game, I so willingly fled from, is but a ghost played in memories and do overs in my mind. Blaming, and wanting to relieve it differently.

I let to many things hold me benath that trash, and now the point, where I decided who I am,is so hard to decide.

So the question of who will help me, save me, has become a question of, how the hell can I be saved? If at all.

WHO IS FEAR? WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

I don't want to be this girl anymore.

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