<< : 2003-09-18 :: 11:04 p.m. : >>
What if I was an Actresss, who would I be?

Change! I long for change, except I lack the guts to face it early in the morning into late in the evening. No I get into a routine, a comfortable routine, it's easy and safe and fustrating as hell.

Could I truley be someone else, it's not like when your a kid, and you make believe to be Wonderwoman, or a rockstar, or even a princess. All those roles were so easy to posses. In this place with these people, I'm got in the same grim, all wanting and supporting a new life for me, but when I try to take it, and all those insecruites arise, they feed of them like vultures. No, no, they say with great protest , "That's not you!" The cock their head to one side with odd unassuring looks, saying " uh huh. Whatever you want." Everyone wants me to change, but is unwilling to see me do it. I stay safe in that idea, because I will never have to. Through all their yelling and pushing, they are only words, to them and to me. Words I will shrug off and Tomarrow I'll wake up and drink my tea and watch ellen, like every other day before, bitching and feeling lame, but still staying just the same. Oh how hard it really is...how am I going to make it through this, how am I going to change my life.

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