<< : 2003-09-21 :: 11:30 p.m. : >>
Doppleganger

I was watching Showtime, with it's new series Freshman Diaries, for some reason hooked on this particular show. Why I couldn't even begin to tell you, until tonight. Tonight, there was a new person added with her Camcorder, recoring her confessions. Her name was courtney and when she talked about her life, about what she felt, how people saw her, I heard my own voice. I felt awkward, and excited at the thought that there I was talking to a wide audience. She was braver than I, because she could excapse her mother, she could adventure to make those risk that everyone makes when they hit 18. I felt upset, and fell into my usual mood. I saw me in her that need to be something great, to be unlike the woman in your family. I saw her take the risk to do that, and I envied her, and hated her for it. Making me realize what shit I am at my own faults, not that I do not realize that every waking hour of my day. Like her I starve for guidence, and have no where to call home, in the absence of that I've become a freak, a loser, desperate in all my depression. Pinning Silently because I should wipe myself for even thinking thoughts like this because I am lucky for what I have, grateful. I hate myself morning night and noon, and I know no one has the answers, but neither do I so what do I do?

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